


No Bad Blood

by Jamcub



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Almighty Tallests/Zim, Gen, I swear this is a ship fic let me GET THERE, Multi, There doesn't seem to be a tag for this ship oof, please
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2020-10-24 08:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20702615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamcub/pseuds/Jamcub
Summary: The Almighty Tallests come up with a plan to finally get rid of Zim permanently. Unfortunately, they get caught up in some feelings along the way.Not sure how many chapters this'll have, but after 8 pages for only the setup I decided to split it up.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to cut up this thing that was supposed to be one big story since it was getting a little bit too long.

There wasn’t much to do on the Massive when you were part of the figurehead leaders. Most of the time, they’d just waste time by gorging themselves on snacks and sugary drinks, littering the floor for the cleaning drones to clean up. They hardly cared at all for any Irken that hardly reached up to their midriff, to the point they’d frequently forget the names of most of the people scuttling around the ship.

“Say.” Red eventually said through a mouthful of donut. “Remember that uh, that one guy we shot into space?”

Purple slurped on his drink, nodding. “Hm?”

“He hasn’t been bothering us for a while.” Red remarked.

“Well, that’s good news, right? Maybe he died out there or something.” Purple peered into his soda cup, finding the conversation to be marginally less interesting than its contents. “That’d be nice. The problem would have literally taken care of itself.”

“Hmmm… it’s just weird.” Red shrugged. “I was thinking about him… uh, Jim… or something…” Fishing the last donut out of the bag, he balled it up in one hand. “I forgot his name…”

From behind them, their pilot spoke up, his voice shaking a bit. “ZIm, S-sirs.”

“Right, right, that guy.” Red perked up a bit. “It’d be nice knowing what he’s up to, just to make sure he stays away from us as far as possible at all times.”

“Seems like that’d be… counterproductive.” Purple made a gross slorping noise with his straw, scraping on the bottom of the cup. “If we go looking for him, he might remember we exist.  _ I _ was getting comfortable ignoring him existing at all, actually.”

“Yeah, yeah, but…” Red tapped on his arm guards. “I’m thinking, we could just lock him up here. That was we know what he’s up to. I don’t like not knowing whether or not he is planning something stupid.”

“Fair.” Purple sighed. “I guess we could try and contact him… and uh, make up some reason he needs to come back. Shouldn’t be too hard, since he still thinks we care about him.”

“Yeah, that’s rich!” Red laughed out loud, chucking the rest of his snacks aside. An Irken scooted over, quickly picking it up and tossing it into the trash.

“I don’t know who’s gonna break the news to him, but I want to see his dumb face when he gets his heart broken.” He added, rubbing his chin in though. “We should broadcast it to everyone, or something.”

“Oh, yes, that’ll be fun.” Purple commented dryly. “He’s going to be so crushed… I haven’t thought about it that way. So, uh… hey,  _ you _ .”

An Irken technician perked up, looking positively terrified to be spoken to. “...yes?”

“Patch us through to the… wherever we dropped Jim.”

“Zim.”

“Whatever, whatever. Just make it happen, now.”

The poor technician got an empty soda cup chucked at his head, and scurried off to figure out where Zim had been left at. Usually, he would connect to the Massive on his end, not the other way around, which eliminated the need to know where exactly he’d been dumped at.

“You know, this is either brilliant or really, really stupid.” Purple muttered, waiting for the connection to go through. “You owe me something for putting up with this idiot.”

“He’s not even here yet.” Red hissed, waiting for the Invader’s stupid mug to appear on screen. The sooner he could get this over with, the sooner he could focus on what really mattered - expanding the Irken Empire. And donuts.

“MY TALLESTS!” Ah, there he was. Red forced a smile onto his face, feeling as though Zim absolutely had to realise that he was faking it. Of course, he didn’t notice a thing.

“You got my message!” Zim seemed elated.

“...yes, absolutely.” Purple replied, elbowing Red in the side. “...what message?” He hissed softly.

“No idea. Shut up, I got this.” Red said, having absolutely not got this. “Anyway, so we decided that you uh. You’re going to be rewarded for your, erm, service to the Empire.”

“FINALLY!” Zim cried out. In the background, they could see his S.I.R. unit squeeing and waving his arms about. “THE GREAT ZIM WILL BE REWARDED FOR HIS WOR-”

“Yeah yeah yeah whatever, whatever.” Red cut him off, hissing. “Just.. get to the Massive. We’ll be waiting for you. Aaand that’s it.  _ Bye _ .”

He snapped his fingers for the connection to be cut, to the image of Zim almost hugging the screen. Purple let out a deep breath once they were alone in the room once again. He couldn’t believe they had just actually asked Zim to come onto the Massive, after everything he’d put them through.

“He wears my patience down a little more every day I see him.” Purple groaned.

“Oh, yes.” Red agreed, rubbing his hands together. “But we won’t need to worry about him anymore very, very soon. I’ll get a solitary confinement cell ready and then we get throw him in there and forget he ever existed.”

“I cannot wait.” Purple lazily waved over a service drone. “Hey, you. Some more snacks, pronto.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zim is too hasty, and Purple permanently tenures a pilot. 
> 
> Shoutout to PatchworkPoltergeist for the inspiration on Purple! Gotta love me some spooky Tallests action.

Zim was absolutely ecstatic.

As soon as the connection terminated from the other end, Zim spun on his heel, rubbing his hands together. “I KNEW IT! Zim is finally going to be rewarded for his great service for the IRKEN EMPIRE!!”

Gir chirped, happily clapping along. He’d been watching the transmission along with Zim, slurping on his slushie and slowly starting to get more and more agitated. He simply did not do well sitting still for very long. Whatever his Master wanted to do, Gir was on board with it.

ZIm was giggling quietly. “Oh, we need to pack the base up… and then, we can fly out…” His thoughts were already trailing far, far off, to where he’d be showered in praise and adoration by everyone on the Massive… and eventually Irk itself!

For a moment, his thoughts lingered on Dib; the stupid human would probably miss him. Maybe he could come back eventually, with the Armada, and take him to Irk or something, as a personal human slave. But that was something he’d focus on once he’d returned to the Massive, and gotten his share of love from everyone.

Of course, it’d be a long, long time in space, all alone - other than Gir for company, anyway- but he figured that it was well worth the time. The Tallests would be welcoming him with open arms, and he’d be revered as the great invader he had always seen himself as.

Packing up was easily done. He just had to step out and get out of the way, then drop this terrible disguise and leave before any of those meat-bags even knew what hit them. Or rather, left them. Zim was still grinning as he cracked open the door to peer outside.

The street was empty. Right, it was the middle of the night, when most of the humans partook in something they called ‘sleep’. No one would be in his way if he just hurried up. He could have everything done in less than ten minutes.

Zim could hardly wait to leave Urth behind.

  
  


\---

Purple watched the massive screen in front of him, displaying a small map of the universe and a small green dot slowly trailing its way along the canopy of stars. A couple of times it’d stop and correct its course, moving a little erratically.

“How long until he gets here?” He watched the little dot zoom across the screen, adjusting his view with a swipe of his hand.

“About two months,Sir.”

“Hmm… not too bad. We’ve got plenty of time-”

“Er, that’s Urth months, Sir. Not Irk.” The pilot ducked a bit, expecting some sort of trash to be chucked into his direction. Instead, Purple choked on his drink, spitting a mouthful on the floor.

“WHAT! Why did no one tell me?” He stood there, soda dribbling down his front. “We’re almost out of time for this plan!”

“You did not ask, Sir.”

Purple snarled, spinning around and gliding over to the control pad. “You. Did not think to tell me. About the plan possibly failing.  _ Because… _ ?” His left eye twitched, and he lifted himself up a little further, looming over the poor Irken in the seat. His PAK opened up, two sets of long, intricate legs slowly extending from within. They hit the floor, clicking on the tiles, lifting Purple a couple extra feet up into the air.

“I’m waiting for an answer, and Irk help you if I  _ don’t like it _ .” His claws scraped over the metal of the console, leaving two scratches in their wake.

“W-well, Sir, I thought you k-knew…”

“Oh, sorry, my bad.” Purple lowered himself a bit, his hands relaxing, a small smile on his face. “You thought I knew. Of course,  _ of course _ . I shouldn’t even have asked, now should I!” His PAK legs tapped on the floor as he turned slowly.

“...so you’re not mad? The irk in the seat straightened up a little bit, antenna perking up. “Thank Irk, I was-”

“Oh, I’m not mad. I am absolutely  _ furious _ .” Purple spat, spinning around and leaning over the console to get right into the others’ face. He slammed a hand down on a button on the top of the console.

Somewhere in the bowels of the ship, an ominous noise began growing. It culminated in the floor beneath the chair the poor guy was sitting in opening, swallowing up the whole chair, and quickly replacing it with an empty one. It spun in place for a moment, then stopped.

Purple turned around, hands folded behind his back, a serene smile on his face. “Does anyone else want to tell me anything? No?  _ Good _ .”

\---

“GIR!”

The robot stopped tapping the screen in front of him with his hands. “Yes, Master?”

“Stop making that noise. You’ve been doing it for hours.” Zim snarled. It hadn’t even been a day in the ship, and he was already feeling his patience wearing thin.

“But I’m bored.” Gir whined loudly, slumping back in his seat and pouting. “There is no TV in here!”

“I know.” Zim dragged his claws down his face, groaning. “Believe me, I really wish I wasn’t stuck in here with you right now, but here we are. Focus on the mission.”

He typed something into the console in front of him. “Gir. Give me the coordinates of the Massive. Now.”

Gir beeped a couple times, the backlighting in his head turning from teal to red. He rambled off a set of numbers, and Zim typed them into the console. The screen flickered, giving him a small map. A glowing dot marked the Massive, and…

“Zoom out.” he told the computer. The screen zoomed backwards. Nothing.

“Again.”

Srrrrr.

**“AGAIN!!!!”**

The map zoomed out again, finally showing his own location on the map. Zim squinted at the screen. Huh.

“...oh… this is going to take a while. Zim is not sure if he’s ready to wait this long.” He tapped a claw on the screen where he saw the glowing dot marking his location. The Massive had moved further back from when he’d last been there. That… was probably not good.

Zim pouted. Maybe he should have figured out the coordinates before he’d hastily left Urth, but how was he supposed to know the Massive was this far away? It was almost as though they were… avoiding him.

“I’m going to be practicing my victory speech.” He haughtily told Gir, then proceeded to slump in his seat and sulk. Gir beeped sadly in his direction.

“Master?”

  
“Not now, Gir! Zim is  _ sulking _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently working on chapter 3. I might not be able to post it as quickly as the others, though, since the first 2 chapters were actually already written before I decided to cut the fic into chapters.
> 
> On the upside, I do have a pretty big plot point that I want to get to eventually, so this is actually evolving from the original little plot bunny and went a little bit wild.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red and Purple have some unresolved issues they refuse to resolve in a civilized manner, or at all.

“You know, we could just tear the PAK off his back and watch him die slowly. That’d be  _ fun _ .” Purple remarked, tapping the screen in front of them. They’d wired a camera to the little jail cell where they could watch Zim pacing back and forth.

“He’s been doing this for three hours now. He must still think we want to reward him.” Red snickered, slurping his usual drink. “That’s… dare I say it,  _ cute _ . He thinks he’s doing such a good job, too.”

“Well, he’ll be cuter when we’re done with him.” Purple’s hands twitched. “I want to do nothing more than to wrap my hands around his neck and-”

“I know. And believe me…” Red trailed off, watching Zim complete his next round. It was kind of admirable, seeing Zim believe that he wasn’t about to get  _ deleted _ . Either that, or he was just even stupider than they’d thought. At least he was determined, Red thought.

“Now that he’s in our grasp, I feel like it’d be fun to hm. Drag this out.” He finally went on. “Make him think we really  _ do  _ like him, and then crush him when we do get bored of him wasting our time.”

Purple snickered. “Oh, I like  _ that _ . I bet he’d just collapse from the sheer excitement of getting to be near us. Maybe I’ll even let to touch my carapace if I’m in a good mood.”

“ _ Scandalous _ .” Red pretended to be shocked, letting out a short laugh. “He might just get an even bigger ego from all that.”

“We got this far. I don’t see why it wouldn’t be fun to keep torturing him. He did kill two other Tallests, he needs to be appropriately reimbursed.” Purple said flatly. “And just re-encoding him sort of… doesn’t have the same  _ punch _ , if you get me.”

Red shrugged. “I’m fine pretending, I guess. As long as everyone else is in on the joke as well.” He took a long, slow sip.from his soda. “Just make sure no one else tells him. Otherwise this’ll be all for nothing.”

“Hmmhmm….” Purple jabbed at the screen again. “Someone go fetch him. I’m getting dizzy just watching him pacing like that.”

Red snapped at a passing Irken. “Get the prisoner, I mean, uh, the Invader. We want him here, and not a word to him about the plan, or I’m personally going to chuck you out of the airlock.”

The Irken shivered, quickly heading over to the part of the ship that held prisoners. They’d put Zim into a single cell, small enough that he could almost touch two walls with his arms outstretched. He’d been in there for hours, but seemed to be just as chipper as before.

The Irken sighed, typing in a code into the field to the left of the door and letting the door slide open. Zim looked up at the noise of the door opening.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT!”

“They want to see you.” He replied. “Now.”

He had not even finished his sentence before Zim bowled him over, halfway down the hallway before he remembered he did not actually know where he was. The Tallests had insisted that this was a special personal room just for him, and he hadn’t thought to question them. How could he? He’d get punished if he as much as thought about questioning the Tallests’ decisions.

“ _ Onward _ !” he called out to the Irken Technician, who cringed and led him down the hall. The entire time, Zim was blathering on about his great conquest, and the poor guy had to do his best not to spill the plan to him.  _ It was a little cruel _ , he thought, watching Zim pretty much jump out of his skin like that, to just use him for the Tallests’ amusement. He had no idea, either, which just made this that much worse.

Then again, as he’d understood, Zim had killed at least one Tallests before. The details were a bit foggy, but…

So maybe they  _ were  _ right. For now, he just wished Zim would quiet down. His voice was shrill, and carried through the whole hallway, and it was getting on his nerves. He rubbed his temples.

Luckily, as they reached the last door before the main control room, Zim fell blissfully silent. He must have known they were about to step in front of their leaders.

Or he just ran out of things to say. Either way, as the door opened, he actually had to shove Zim forward to get him to enter. Purple shot him a look, one eyebrow raised, then nodded him off. He gladly left before he ended up in the airlock next.

Zim meanwhile was just standing there, vibrating just a little bit. He was absolutely starstruck, at a loss for words for the first time in what had to be years.

Red leaned down, petting him on the head with one hand. Zim chirped in response, making small pleased noises, and Red tensed. “..that’ll be enough.” He muttered, pulling his hand away.

The bridge had been drawn out over the main part of the bridge, towards the huge communications screen at the front of the ship. On the other end of the line, every expendable Irken in the Massive was gathered, watching for the announcement. They really had pulled all the stops for this.

Red cleared his throat.

“As you all know, today we are gathered here to praise one of our best, none other than the great Invader Zim.” He barely managed to make it sound like he meant it, forcing back the urge to grab Zim and shake him until his PAK came loose.  _ Just focus on the goal, Red. _

“Now, everyone, wave your antennae for….  _ Zim _ .” He snatched him up, holding him up for the masses to see. The screen projected uproarious applause from the crowd, a sea of antennae waving, and Zim sniffled loudly. The rows had to be three times what had come to see the Assigning, and all just to see him?

(And the Tallests,  _ probably _ . They were also important.)

They really loved him after all. He’d shown it to everyone. He’d finally made it to the top. Zim was actually crying now, big ugly tears rolling down his cheeks. Red chuffed, almost dropping him.

How gross. But he’d have to pretend like he cared about the little mistake, at least for as long as it took to really have the message sink in. In a couple weeks maybe, he’d get his comeuppance.

“Yes, yes, he is great. Everyone, get back to your work.” Purple pushed Red aside, waving at the crowd. “We have important... Tallests things to do.”

The screen turned off, and Red frowned at the screen. He could do with some snacks now, to calm his nerves some.

“So, when do we do… the things you do?” Zim asked, wiggling a bit in Red’s grasp. “... _ put me down _ . Zim can walk on his own!”

“...you’re not part of the-” Purple got an elbow into his side, cutting him off mid-sentence. Growling, he rolled his eyes at Red.

“We can start immediately, if you want.” He shot the other a glare. “As you wish, Zim.” He motioned towards Zim, doing his best to keep his urge to slap him at bay. He needed to remain calm.

Purple hissed, rubbing his side where Red had jabbed him. That actually hurt. If he had his way right now, he’d just tear off Zim’s broken excuse for a PAK and chuck him into the airlock. But  _ no _ , Red was still holding onto the stupid plan.

Purple had been on board with the idea - at least until Zim had crash-landed on the Massive and immediately left him remembering the chaos he left in his wake. Now he was just seething under his breath, following Red and Zim down the hallway, deeper into the bowels of the Massive.

“Zim is very pleased to see his Tallests have finally noticed how much he adores them! Although Zim wishes he could have given you a planet as well…” Zim was still in Red’s grasp, having finally given up trying to persuade Red to let him go. And anyway, it was kind of nice, being carried around. He could get used to this, definitely.

Purple tried his best to tune out the smaller Irken’s incessant babbling, though he was not not exactly making that easy. Hopefully Red would get tired of the plan soon enough...

  
This would be a very,  _ very  _ long few weeks, wouldn’t it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only now realise that this is essentially the 'LOOK AT HIM' scene from Spongebob.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim learns about the true reason for the Irken Conquest. They also need new footstools, apparently.

“ZIm wants  _ snacks _ .”

Red held a donut up to him, and Zim took a bite out of it. He was currently sitting on Tallests’ Red’s shoulders, braced against the top of his carapace armor. A few crumbs fell from his limbs, and Red reached up to sweep them aside.

“Very good.” Zim said through a mouthful of donut. “Zim loves these!”

“We get them all the time.” Purple reached into the bag, snatching his own donut to chew on. “In fact, we’ve got a whole planet just to make more.”

“Hmmmhmm.” Red held the bag a bit closer. “Hey, Pur, stop stealing my snacks. Get your own.”

“You keep stealing my soda,  _ so why not _ ?” Purple crammed a whole donut into his mouth. “I’ll stop when  _ you  _ stop.” He mumbled around it, spraying Red with crumbs as he did.

“Yeah,  _ no _ .” Purple gave him a shove, which caused Zim to have to hold onto Red a little tighter,. He wrapped an arm around his neck just before he slid off. “Hey-”

“Watch it.” Red pulled Zim’s prying little hands off his neck, growling softly. “Don’t choke your Tallests.”

Red, in his infinite wisdom and utter lack of foresight, had not really planned anything past the point of inviting Zim to live with them. He did not think he would get this far, evidently, frowning as he watched Purple snatch a bag of chips and tear it open with a claw.

“When do we do the … Tallests things?” Zim eventually piped up, peering over his shoulder. Red growled softly.

“When we get there.” They’d just gotten comfortable on the couch, after all, and all he wanted to do was unwind from the stress of presenting to a whole crowd. On top of that, they’d still have to keep up the facade in front of Zim. That was a lot of effort he wasn’t sure he wanted to put in right now.

“Hey.” Purple suddenly addressed the table by their side. “Go get some more drinks.” He ordered, watching the poor service drone toddle off to fulfil his request. “We don’t actually … do a lot.” He pointed out, shrugging. “It’s mostly just for show.”

“Yeah, the Control Brains… they run stuff around here,” Red grabbed a slushee off the table drone. “I mean, it’s just so much work and all that.  _ Thinking…  _ and stuff…”

“Yeah, yeah.” Purple slurped his drink loudly. “They program the PAKs, they do the …  _ stuff _ .”

“But .. I want to-” Zim didn’t get to finish his sentence before Purple crammed another donut into his mouth. “Hmmmpff!”

“It’s a lot of work, running a whole planet and all that. They do a good job, so why should we bother?” He nonchalantly said, waving a hand. “There is one thing, though.”

“Yeah!” Purple snickered. “We’re like,  _ really  _ good at blowing stuff up.”

Zim pulled a face, still choking on the donut. He scrabbled to try and pull it out of his mouth, to no avail. “HRK!”

“The job comes with a lot of benefits.” Purple noted. Which was the least they could ask for, considering the …  _ procedure  _ it took to get there. After all that, they really did deserve an extended break.

But he wasn’t here to think about that. “Maybe we’ll show you around, Zim. Since you’re one of us now and all that.”

Zim finally swallowed the donut, breathing heavily. His lower lip twisted into a pout; he’d expected his great leaders to be so much more than just… glorified spokespeople, really. Where was the power? Why were they so compliant in just… sitting there? Weren’t they supposed to be a shining example for the people of Irk?

“What about… urk- what about the Invaders?” Zim asked, spitting out a few crumbs. Weren’t they supposed to monitor them?

“Oh,  _ those _ . Right, uh…” Red squinted. “We’re trying to do something  _ big  _ here. You have to look at the bigger picture, Zim.” He snapped his fingers, summoning a drone with a projector strapped to their head. “Here, let me show you.”

Another snap of his fingers shut off the lights in the room, dimming it to near complete darkness. Zim’s eyes went wide. “...what-”

Purple hushed him with a claw to his lips. “Hush. Just watch.”

The drone huffed and spluttered, the projector turning on and throwing a hologram of the immediate surroundings of The Massive up in front of the three of them. Tiny specks marked already conquered planets, bright pink against the dark blue of the vast expanse of space, while green ones represented the ones they had yet to conquer.

“We’re building something big here.” Purple pointed out. “You know uh, Foodcourtia, right.” He pointed the planet out on the screen. A little label popped up, then faded out “Then there’s Vort, and uhm, we’re working on something more  _ fashionable _ .”

His claw hovered over one of the yet to be conquered planets. “It’s kind of a big uhh, project. The Irken Empire will spread across the stars and yadda yadda…”

Zim watched as they explained, the holographic projection of space reflected in his wide eyes. Pink and green dots danced across the hologram as Red and Purple pointed different planets out to him, explaining their purpose.

“Yeah, we are going to move everything into one spot. Then whenever we want, we can stop by and grab whatever.” Purple explained, slurping on his drink. “It’s going to be really  _ big _ .”

Zim blinked as they brought up Foodcourtia again, antennae flattening against his head. All of this effort for-

“ **A MALL** ?” He suddenly screamed, startling Red, Purple, and the poor projector drone, who shut off and left them in darkness. “You…. My Tallests, with all due respect, you-”

“Yeah, isn’t it  _ great _ .” Red waved for the lights to turn back on. “A whole mall thing just for us!” Both of them looked absolutely gleeful, laughing and snickering. “The plan’s been going pretty smoothly, really, everyone’s been doing a great job and all that.”

The silence spreading the room was only disturbed by the sound of the two Tallests chewing and slorping away. Zim was still quiet, shocked into silence for the first time in what felt like his whole life. From his perch on Red’s shoulder, he watched the table drone hobble away to join a small goggle of service drones in the back of the room.

“It won’t be long til we have the whole thing all set up.” Red grinned at Purple, who nodded.

“Yeah. Hey, Zim, since you’re one of us now or… something… do you want anything? Like, a planet.” Purple waved the projector drone back over. “You… turn that thing back on.”

The hologram flickered back on, much paler now that the light around them was still turned on. Purple pointed out a planet to Zim. “Here, this one has like… a buncha video games, yeah.”

Zim watched the little dot blink, reflected in his wide eyes once again. His bottom lip quivered a little bit. Teeth scraping against the skin nervously. He wanted to tell his Tallests what he thought, what he actually, really thought, but…

They wouldn’t listen, would they. And even if they did, they’d probably wave him off. Zim scratched his neck, only now realising that both of the Irken leaders were staring him down on either side of him. Waiting for him to say something.

“..yeah, that one’s fine. Zim will take it.” Zim pointed at the planet they just explained to him, fingers phasing through the hologram, stirring it up. Red shut the projector off and shooed the drone away.

“Great, so it’s a done deal. But....” His antenna perked up. “It’s pretty late, and we do have an uh…”

“A room, just for you. It’s full of the best technology and those really comfortable couches we got from Vort. We’re actually working on putting them all over the ship.” Purple added. “You’re going to love it.”

Zim cringed a little bit at the way he added that, like it was a threat, not a promise. “...y-yes, my Tallests. Zim will go to his room now.”

“Good.” Purple set him on the floor, pointing to the door. “Ask the guard out there, he’ll know what to do. If he doesn’t, we’ll chuck him out the airlock later.”

Both of them watched as Zim left the room, oblivious to how positively blue he looked. Red laughed out loud when the doors shut behind the smaller Irken, grabbing the half-eaten bag of snacks Purple had torn open earlier.

“He is kinda cute.” He mused through a mouthful of snacks. “So small, and so vulnerable. I think I’m warming up to him.”

“Hmmhmm. Can’t believe I agree.” A few chips fell on the floor, and a drone hastily scurried by to sweep it up. Red lifted his legs, resting them on the back of the poor drone, pinning them down with their face in the dirt.

“We need better footstools. This one feels like it’s about to crash.”

“S-sirs, I’m not a -”

“ **WHO ASKED YOU** ?” Red kicked the drone, sitting up straighter and glaring at the Irken. He’d dropped his little broom and dustpan out of shock, and stood there, antennae pinned against his head.

“I’m serious,  _ who asked you _ .” Red barked. For a moment, they just stared at each other in tense silence, then Red narrowed his eyes.

“Take him out.” He ordered the other drones, busily gaggling in a corner of the room. Two of them rushed forward, grabbing the cleaning drone by his arms, and just dragged him over to the door. He was thrown out, and the door slammed shut behind him just as the floor gave out beneath him.

  
“.. _ as I was saying _ , we need better footstools. And someone come clean up this mess, or you’re next.” Red snapped his claws at the remaining drones. “Go, go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely LOVE writing for these assholes so MUCH. Next chapter has a bunch more of them too, oof, forgive me. I swear I can write something that's not space imperialists, please. Stick with me here.
> 
> Thanks for all the nice comments so far! I read every single one of them!! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Tallests prove once more they are but children that whine as soon as things do not go as planned. Also, Earth might be at stake over a cheese pizza.

“Uh, you think we should have told him all that?” Red shoved a whole donut into his mouth and chewed loudly. “Lish… alla dat?”

“Not like he can tell anyone, now is it.” Purple shrugged it off. “Since we do plan on killing him once we get tired of him.”

“Right.” Red hummed. “Wonder how long that’ll take.”

“You want to bet again? Last time went  _ so well _ .” Purple scoffed. Red was about to interject with something when one of their drones tugged on his gauntlet to get his attention.

“Sir… Sir, we are receiving an incoming transmission from an unconfirmed signature. Shall I send it through?”

“Touch me one more time, and I’ll have your whole body disintegrated. And uh, sure, sure, let’s see what they have to say. Might be funny.”

The wall opposite them flickered, showing them a projection of a screen. Red raised a brow, slurping on his drink. “... n’who are  _ you _ ?”

\---

“ **DIIIIIIB!** ”

Gaz slammed open the door to Dib’s room, standing there with the same air as a bull about to charge right into a red piece of cloth. “WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT EATING  **MY ** PIZZA?”

Dib jerked up. He’d made a nest of blankets on his bed, cocooned in it like a caterpillar about to bloom into a beautiful young mothman. Next to him was a box of pizza, cheese strings connecting to a slice of pizza Dib was about to shovel into his mouth.

“...huh…?” He took a bite, really slowly, before throwing the slice out of bed as though it’d just sprouted bug legs. Gaz managed to catch it with what seemed like superhuman reflexes, standing up to glare at her brother.

“ _ Dib _ . This is the last time I’ll be warning you. NEVER stand between me and my food again, or I will make you rue the day dad pulled you out of that vat. Understood?”

“I was hungry.” Dib hid his head under his pillow, trying to block out the angry glares from his sister. “ _ And _ you left it unsupervised.”

“You could have made something else. Ever since ….  _ That day _ , you haven’t left your room for longer than like, ten minutes at a time. Dad’s getting worried.” Gaz put her hands to her hips, scoffing. “Pull yourself together.”

Dib wasn’t even listening. “You don’t know what happened that day! NO ONE KNOWS!”

“Oh, and  _ you  _ do, of course, right?”

  
  
  


**THAT DAY, approximately six Earth months ago…**

“ _ GAZ _ !” Dib slammed his laptop on the living room table, planting himself on the couch next this sister. Gaz opened one eye to glare at him briefly, then went back to playing her game.

“You won’t believe what I just saw!” Dib opened the laptop.

“Try me.” Gaz replied, not even looking up at him once.

“LOOK!” Dib shoved the laptop at her. On it played a camera feed of what looked like the empty space between two houses. On either of the building’s sides, deep craters marred the concrete, but the spot itself was empty save for a lone garden gnome laying on its side.

“What am I looking at, exactly.” Gaz asked, not looking at the laptop to begin with. “Looks like you need a break. Or like, several. KInd of a forever break.”

“IT’S NOT THERE!” Dib jabbed a finger at the screen. “ZIM’S HOUSE IS NOT THERE!”

“Should I be worried you somehow have footage of this, or does this come after I sedate you forcibly?” Gaz finally closed her Game Slave, slipping it into a pocket, leaning over to look at the screen.

“So what. You  _ wanted  _ him to leave, didn’t you? If he’s not there, he can’t take over Earth, right?” She shrugged. “Not that he was very good at that to begin with, but, like, come on.”

Dib’s lip quivered. “He can’t just leave…  _ he… _ ”

“Sure he can. Hey, I’m grabbing something from the fridge. Don’t get up.” Gaz slipped off the couch and headed to the kitchen. Dib was left on the couch, face pressed against the screen of his laptop as though he could somehow will Zim back to Earth with his stare alone.

Ten minutes later, Gaz passed by him, a can of Pop soda in her hand, with him still stuck to the screen.

“Let me know when you’re done,  _ Dib _ .” She snarked, popping off the tab on her can. “So I can clean the spot you sat in of the  _ weird _ .”

\---

Dib peered out from under the pillow. “...Gaz… if he’s not coming back… what do I  _ do _ ?”

“Uh, no idea.” Gaz took a bite of pizza. “Maybe you can like, contact him… or something. He’s probably still out there… somewhere....  _ Being weird _ …” She waved a hand, then headed to the door.

“Or you could get a new hobby.”

Dib raised a brow, peering at his laptop screen. “...hm…”

“Anyway, remind me to get you back for this pizza… and the last ten you ate from under my nose.” Gaz slammed the door shut, hard.

\---

“Now, listen here, little smeet. Let me get this straight.” Red rubbed his temple with a claw, exasperated. “You… you  _ single handedly _ managed to send a message to not just  _ any  _ ship, but the head of the Irken Armada, from your pitifully inferior technology?”

Dib adjusted his headset. “...yeah. Yeah, I did.”

“Alright, I’m listening. What do you want from us. We are very busy.” Red dramatically gestured at Purple, who was staring off into the distance. “We are not patient, either, so keep this short.”

“Alright, so, I know everything-”

“ _ Don’t think so! _ ” Purple interjected.

“I know everything about your plan!” Dib hissed. “You sent one of your troops here in order to infiltrate us, trying to take our planet for yourself!” Dib slammed a hand on his desk. “I know what you’re planning! And I have  _ questions _ .”

“I thought you knew everything.” Purple quipped. “...what planet was that, again?”

“Uh, Earth. This is Earth.” Dib squinted. “I-”

“Oooh, yeah, Urth! That’s the planet we shot Zim off to.” Red waved a hand. “He’s with us now. Was that all?”

“Uh, no, that was only one of my questions.” Dib pulled out a notepad and pen, tongue between his teeth. “What is your plan for him?”

“Why would we tell a  _ smeet  _ like you?” Purple scoffed, laughing him off. “You’re not even tall enough to talk to us like this. HEY!”

He gestured at one of the drones. “Move the screen. I want him at my feet right now.”

The screen projection moved down the wall, to the point Red had to bend over to even see Dib anymore. “Alright. That’s it… where was I?”

“We were telling him all about how we aren’t going to tell him anything.” Purple squinted at Dib on the screen. “Wow, he really  _ is  _ tiny. Must be not even be taller than Jim.”

“Zim, Sirs.”

“ _ Anyway _ . We’re not talking to you anymore. Bye.” Red snapped his claws, and the communication was cut. As soon as it disappeared, he stuck out his tongue, making retching noises.

“Now we even have dirty  _ Urth smeets _ trying to contact us about Ziiiim…” He dragged his claws down his face in pure, utter exasperation. “I really do not like that.”

“You know, we  _ could  _ blow it up.” Purple narrowed his eyes. “We’d just need to get a little closer, then we can… sweep the whole planet. There we go, problem solved.”

“Sirs, we’d have to adjust our c-”

“You heard him! WE ARE TURNING THIS SHIP AROUND.” Red barked at the drone at his feet. “I want this entire armada en route to this-” He drew quotes into the air- “‘Urth’ planet, and I want it NOW. Anyone who disagrees gets the airlock.”

“YES SIRS.” The drone scurried off before they could get in the path of Red’s wrath. Within minutes, the whole Massive was slowly, very slowly turning, crushing a few smaller planets nearby in the process.

“Collateral damage.” Purple said through a mouthful of donuts when the pilots let him know. “Are we turned yet? Yes? Yes???”

“...yes, Sirs. We are turning the entire armada around, just for you.” the pilot told him, trying to keep from sounding too exasperated.

  
“Good boy, good.” Red clapped his hands together. “Listen, everyone. All other obligations are cancelled. We are now on a direct course to planet Urth.  _ Get on it _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT'S RIGHT- it's Dib time. I hope you didn't think I'd leave him out of this.  
Writing this was actually surprisingly difficult, since I was trying to avoid basically re-writing ETF, but I think I pulled it off. Also, Gaz is a lot of fun to write. I hope I get a chance to write her again soon.
> 
> And hey, we've got plot now. There it is. Everyone, a warm welcome for the plot of the story!
> 
> (Thanks for all the comments and kudos...ses (?) on this work so far! I see you all!)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim returns to his room and a small mental breakdown. Things quickly turn around, so to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much to TheCookieNerd on here and Mes on Discord (I need to get their ao3 tag!) for helping me proofread and beta this chapter as well as the previous ones! <3

The Massive had earned its name for one very good reason- it was  _ huge _ . Zim had to walk for what seemed like an hour until the guard finally stopped in front of a door, holding out a hand for Zim to stand still.

“Here we are. The Tallests have sectioned off a room for your personal use.” He gave a small bow. ”Open the door with the retinal scanner. Should you need any more accommodations, the Tallests want you to avoid letting them know at all costs.”

“...whatever.” Zim said, looking particularly deflated. “Leave Zim alone. Zim needs to  _ think _ .”

“Alright.” The guard backed away from Zim, making sure to keep his eyes on him until he rounded a corner. Zim watched him blankly, standing there for a good ten seconds before unlocking the door.

The room was pretty large, with a bed to match, and what looked to be room for more than a handful of Irkens. Most of the room was taken up by the bed and other pieces of massive, soft-looking furniture. A window took up the back of the room, opening up to space and stars and planets drifting by.

“Welcome, Invader Drone. Make yourself comfortable.” The computerized voice of a female Irken let him know. Zim waved it off, immediately faceplanting into the large couch in the middle of the room.

“How could they have done this to Zim!” he whined into the pillows. “ZIM HAS BEEN REDUCED TO  _ WHAT _ ?” He rolled over, clutching the (incredibly comfortable) pillow to his chest. “Building a mall for his Tallests…”

He let out an  _ incredibly  _ long and loud groan, claws digging into the pillow. They left long tears in the fabric, the stuffing spilling out and all over him like fake Urth snow. “Is that really everything Zim ha-”

The door opened, and he jerked up. Something was tossed into the room with a loud metallic clank, then the door slid shut. Zim propped himself up on one arm to peer over the back of the couch to see-

“Gir? What are  _ you  _ doing here?”

Gir opened his mouth to spit out what looked like a couple mouthfuls of nuts and bolts, then grinned at Zim. “Gir was making friends! But they said I need to stop playing with them for now, so they kicked me out!” He lifted his stubby little robot arms into the air, waving them around happily. “Twas fun.”

“...oh.” Zim huffed, covering his face with the destroyed pillow. “I guess… Zim is not feeling so hot.”

Gir climbed up the back of the couch, sitting there with his legs dangling.

“Ooooh, what’s wrong, Master?” He peered down at the miserable heap that was Zim, covered in the finest Vortian couch stuffing. “I wanna help! I wanna help, I wanna help, I wanna help, I wanna help, I  _ wanna- _ ”

Zim growled at him, but that didn’t stop him from constantly repeating the same phrase in the background.

“THE TALLESTS HAVE FORSAKEN ME! ALL THIS WORK FOR ALMOST NOTHING!”

“... wanna help, wanna help, wanna help, wanna help,  _ wanna help, wanna help, wanna help… _ ”

“ALL OF THIS FOR A MALL!  **A MALL** !”

“...help, wanna help…” Gir was swinging his legs now, humming. He’d turned the mantra into a little song, happily beeping along. “Huh? We going to the mall?”

“NO, GIR!” Zim hit him in the face with the gutted pillow, more of the fluffy stuffing flying everywhere. “We are NOT going anywhere.”

“...aww…” Gir visibly deflated a little. “Tooooo bad…”

“Zim wants to just lay here. Forever…” He was still whining,squeezing the new empty pillow case harder. “...or until I get bored of it.” He opened one eye, looking at Gir.

“GIR!”

“YES MASTER!” Gir snapped to attention instantly.

“... get me another pillow. This one isn’t working anymore.”

Gir hopped off the couch, grabbing a pillow from the bed on the other side of the room. He tossed it at his master, giving him a sympathetic smile. “Here you go!” 

  
  


Zim did, in fact, not move once in several hours after Gir had toddled back to him with another pillow. Instead he was making small chittering noises into the fabric, muffling his voice.

He shouldn’t be feeling like that. He shouldn’t be feeling like someone had yanked away the floor from beneath his feet over a mall. If his Tallests wanted a mall, Zim shouldn’t argue. Irkens that argued with what the Tallests wanted didn’t last long.

He should know better.

But… he just couldn’t shake the feeling that  _ somehow _ , he’d wasted years of his life. That didn’t sit right with him. Somewhere in his little defective PAK, this really, really  _ hurt _ . He knew it shouldn’t, but…

Zim had never felt like this before, like someone shoved a probing tool right into his soft squeedlyspooch, twisting it for good measure.

“ _ How could they _ !” He growled, staring at the ceiling. “They… they are just.. .wasting all that time… and the…” His ranting drifted off into incoherent mumbling. Gir, who was sitting on the foot end of the massive couch, nodded along with what Zim was idly rambling about.

“...uh huh…”

As he slowly watched nothing on the ceiling, Zim began to think. As the seconds ticked away, a plan slowly started to form in his brain. The pain he could still feel piercing through his PAK slowly dulled as he traced the brilliant idea through his brain.

“..yes, yes… yes… this is  **PERFECT** .” he quietly whispered into the pillow, antenna perking up slowly. “Zim has a PLAN.”

“Huh?” Gir blinked, taking a bite from a sandwich he had inexplicably pulled from his inside.

“I SAID,  **ZIM HAS A PLAN** ! BEHOLD!” Zim threw the pillow aside, jumping off the couch. His face twisted into a grin, slowly widening until a barking bout of laughter rang through the room. Gir, who was a little confused, grinned as well, spraying crumbs all over the floor as he laughed.

“HAHAHA!  **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA** !”

“Heeeheehee! Teehee!”

Zim was quite suddenly interrupted in the middle of his laughing fit when the whole ship around him lurched forward, almost sending him careening into the opposite wall. He barely managed to avoid further injury by grabbing the side of the couch.

Once the ship stood still again, he let go, tottering over to the window on shaking legs.

“... what on Irk was  _ that _ ?”

Outside, the whole armada was trying to suddenly change the course they’d been on for what seemed like millenia. It was a terribly slow process, trying to move the whole ship and all the smaller ones orbiting it at the drop of a dime. Debris from a planet flew by the window in the room, crushed to pieces by one of the wings of the Massive.

“... _ oh _ .” Zim rubbed his head, antenna flattened against his head. “They… turned the ship… but  _ why… _ ” His face was pressed flat against the glass now, watching metal shrapnel fly by the window.

What could make the Massive of all ships want to change course so suddenly? Zim felt a cold shiver of fear run up his spine, culminating in an electric sensation in the tips of his antennae.

_ Something wasn’t right here at all. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Zim out of his element is pretty jarring, unfortunately. I hope I managed to make it work, though! I am starting to feel really, really bad for the little smeet.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim gets intimately familiar with one of his new responsibilities as a Tallest. He doesn't like it very much. A planet is conquered before lunch. I forget to post this chapter on time.

“Uh, My Tallests-”

“WHAT?!” Red was not in the mood for  _ anything  _ right now, barking at the pilot that’d just addressed him. “This better be  _ important _ .”

“Well, we were turning around…”

“ _ Yeeees _ ?”

“There’s a planet in the way.”

“Well, blow it up… or something.” Purple waved a hand. “Is that so hard? Do we have to do everything around here, or what?”

“It’s too big, Sirs.”

“... then figure something out,  _ why don’t you _ ? You’re the pilot. Steer around it. Steer through it…” Red snorted. “Now, shut up. I’m busy being angry.”

The pilot sighed, resting his head in his hands. He should really quit… but then again, the alternative to this wasn’t exactly better. He pulled out a communicator from his PAK instead.

“We need an emergency Invasion.  _ Now _ . Send whoever we have down there.”

\---

The next morning, Zim was woken up by none other than the Tallests themselves, looming over Zim. He opened one eye, staring at the smiling faces of his leaders for a few seconds until-

“ **MY TALLESTS** !” He sat up so fast he almost hit them both in the face. “You… I … what…” He must have passed out after all… that…

“Oh, Zim.” Red cleared his throat. “We are late.”

“Late…?” Zim rubbed his eyes, trying to piece together the events of the previous night. “For  _ what…  _ my Tallests…”

“Well, actually,  _ you’re  _ the one that’s late.” Purple chided, pulling Zim off the bed. “Come on, we have things to do.” The two of them moved aside, revealing a tall Elite soldier holding what looked like some sort of…  _ outfit _ . Zim looked from the two Tallests, to the Elite, back to the two.

“ _ Wha- _ ”

“Get him dressed.” Red ordered, and before Zim could say another word, the Elite had him pinned down and stripped of his uniform. He struggled weakly against his hold, but couldn’t really do much as the strange new outfit was forced onto him piece by piece.

When he was finally let go again, he was wearing what could really only be described as a smaller version of the Tallests gear. A long, flowing robe he felt he’d immediately step on and stumble over, gauntlets clasped on either one of his hands, and worst of all…

“M-my Tallests, you… are you sure you….  _ I think you crushed my squeedlyspooch _ .” He wheezed, looking at his upper body, crammed into a tight metal casing, his spine and other organs all shoved into a set of barely-flexible metal tubing.

“Don’t be silly, Zim. You look fine to me.” Red shut him up with a wave of his hand. “If you want to be part of us, you’d better look the part.”

“Yeah.” Purple agreed. “...besides, you get used to it after a couple of months.” He looked Zim over a couple times, floating around him to get a better look at his back. “You just need time.”

Red held up his own gauntlet, flexing his claws slowly. “I mean, it  _ still  _ hurts, but… You forget to feel it, eventually.” He placed a claw on his chin, tutting at Zim. “I think.”

“Oh, stop being such a  _ baby  _ about this.” Purple pet Zim on his head, giving him a too-sweet-to-be-sincere smile. “We have a presentation to appear at,  _ so either get used to it or _ -”

Red hit him in the back of the head to shut him up, shaking his head. “As I said, we are late. Let’s go.”

The three of them left the room, flanked by the Elite in the back. Zim kept wheezing softly, trying to get used to the way the carapace compressed his whole body. Every now and then, he looked at Red and Purple, at the way their spine bent, and winced.

Was that really what they did to all the Tallests...? His antennae twitched, a shallow breath escaping past his clenched teeth. It hurt a lot, especially since Zim wasn’t even afforded the luxury of a hover belt.

“What was the thing we were going to, anyway?” Purple asked Red, entirely ignoring Zim trailing behind them. Red shrugged in response.

“Some Invaders took over some planets, I guess. Something like that… we are ‘required to be present’.” He drew air quotes with his claws. “Something stupid.”

By the time the three of them (and the Elite) had made it to the part of the ship that was sectioned off for planet sweep presentations, Zim was wheezing, lagging behind the two Tallests by a good ten feet. Red shot him a glare, obviously disappointed.

“Zim! Don’t dawdle. You’re holding everything up.”

The Elite, who took pity on the poor little Irken Invader, rushed back and gently tugged his arm. “Come along, don’t make them wait. For your own sake.”

The presentation was already in full swing when Zim caught up with the others. Purple and Red were standing on a catwalk overlooking a crowd of people, lazily waving to them. Cheers erupted from the Irkens below, a wave of antennae wiggling washing over the crowd.

“Alright, so… today we are uh…” Red began, squinting at the crowd. HE hated these short-term notice conquests so much. “...which planet was it again?”

Purple jumped in. “A hearty wiggle of your antenna for … INVADER TORK! Who, uh, conquered planet…  _ Zlorsh _ .”

A door to the side opened, and an Irken stepped in. He was just barely taller than the average, sporting a purple PAK and a smarmy grin on his face. A few of the Irkens closests to him whistled as he passed by. 

“Right… do we have the cannons ready for the sweep?” Red turned around, looking at the screen behind them. It showed the surface of a dusty planet, brown and entirely boring. “Hey, wait-”

He bent down, grabbing Zim from where he was standing on the floor, still wheezing softly, and swept him up. “ZIM! You’ll have the pleasure of setting off the first cannon today.”

Zim waved sheepishly at the crowd, which reacted with a mix of confused murmurs and half-hearted antennae wiggling. Zim would have been suspicious had it not been for the fact his inner organs were slowly being crushed.

“ _ Press the button _ .” Red ordered. Zim slowly lifted a hand, then-

Slammed it down on the button.

On the screen behind them, the first cannon was fired, leaving a deep, scorched crater on the surface of the planet Zlorsh. Zim let out a soft wheeze.

“There we go. That should do it. Once it’s all cleared out, we can move the thing.” Red reached up, petting Zim on the head. Despite feeling like the air was slowly crushed out of his small body, Zim relaxed. That felt…  _ nice _ .

Purple watched the two of them for a moment, hands on the railing of the catwalk. He didn’t say anything, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly.

_ Oh no. He’s cute. _

“Now that that’s done-” Red shifted Zim a bit so he was sitting in the crook of his arm. “We should return to our quarters.” One more wave towards the crowd, and the small procession of two Tallests, Zim on Red’s arm, and two Guard Drones headed down the side of the catwalk.

“I don’t remember this being an assignment.” Purple mused quietly. “Must have slipped my mind.”

Zim shot him a look, but decided against saying anything for once. It was hard enough to focus right now without trying to wrap his head around even more complicated things. All he wanted was to be freed for this hellish contraption they called clothes.

Also, snacks. Snacks sounded nice. He placed a hand on Red’s chest, clearing his throat to get his attention.

“When are we getting snacks,  _ My Tallests _ ?”

“Uh, soon.” Red looked at him. It seemed to have finally dawned on him that he was, in fact, carrying Zim in his arms like a little smeet- and he didn’t actually mind it too much. “When we get to our quarters.”

Zim let out a satisfied little chuffing sound. Red looked at him, frowning.

_ Oh no, he’s cute. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some... illustrations.
> 
> Tallest Zim: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/629343504379936808/630971118945042465/Untitled134.png  
Tork: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/629343504379936808/630971311165800448/unknown.png


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib goes out of his way to be as annoying as possible. Meanwhile Purple is being a right baby about everything happening, and Zim can't sleep.
> 
> Also, RaPR.

Back on Earth, Dib was rummaging through the boxes in his fathers’ garage, tossing aside various bits and bobs. He was groaning in frustration, not being able to find what he was looking for in this mess of boxes and scraps.

“UGH!” He threw his hands up in the air, tugging on his hair strand. “I’m… ugh….!  _ So- _ ”

He kicked a box aside, crawling out from the mess into the yard. It was already dark outside, and he almost tripped over something or other as he rushed to the front door. Tearing open the front door, he stumbled inside the house.

“DAD!”

“Yes, my son?” Professor Membrane was idly screwing around with a toaster in his lap, watching some high-science talk show on TV. “What do you need?”

“Where’d you put the Hologram Transmitter…?” Dib hurriedly tried to smooth out his trench coat, brushing some dirt off it. “ _ I need it _ .”

“Son.” Membrane put down his work, frowning at his son past the huge goggles and lab coat collar he was wearing. “What did I tell you about using my inventions?”

“No using them for alien stuff?” Dib cocked an eyebrow. “But dad. This time it’s different.”

“Oh,  _ sure _ .” Membrane shrugged, leaning back in his seat immediately. “It’s in the basement. Be careful, don’t accidentally create a hole in spacetime. That’d be  _ really  _ hard to fix, and I’m a very busy man.”

“Thanks Dad!” Dib was already halfway down the basement stairs by the time Membrane had finished, busting down the door. There was a fresh spring in his step as he entered the room.

“Alright, all I need is the coordinates from that ship, and uh…  _ yes… _ ” He muttered to himself softly as he set down his suitcase. He pulled out his laptop, slipped on his headset, and began hacking away at the keyboard. With a little bit of luck, he’d have a connection set up before his dad forced him to go to bed.

\---

  
  


On the Massive, the small procession of Red, Purple and Zim had arrived back at their room. ZIm was sitting between the two of them, watching a handful of drones scurrying about. Several ran into each other, managing to knock each other out in the process. Zim winced.

“When does Zim get to take .. .this off?” He was still wearing that awfully tight outfit, feeling his organs slowly getting crushed. “Feels a bit… tight…”

“You keep that on and face the facts.” Purple grumbled, crossing his arms. He was obviously huffy, avoiding looking at Zim. “It’s not even  _ that  _ bad.”

Zim let out a small wheeze. “But-”

“You heard him.” Red gently pet Zim on his head, right between his flattened antennae. Zim whined, but quieted down anyway. Red scooped a drink off a nearby table drone, slurping on it. “And anyway… you’re only going to get used to it if you keep wearing it.”

Zim flopped back into the couch, eyeing the table for a bit. “Hey. Hey, you. Drone. Hey. Hey. Hey. Heeeey. Drooone.” He started whining. “I want a drink too. Hey. Hey. Heeey. Drone. HEY!”

The table looked at ZIm, then Red, then Purple. “Sirs-” He weakly interjected.

“Get the man a drink.” Red waved him off. “Oh, uh… Right.” Zim couldn’t reach the table. That … was awkward. Red rolled his eyes and snatched up a cup for Zim, grumbling about how this shouldn’t be his job.

“Thank you, my Tallests!” Zim was positively beaming, grabbing the cup with both hands. Compared to his size, it was massive, and he struggled a little bit trying to fit the straw into his mouth without spilling anything. Red watched him with a raised brow.

“Careful.” He said, uncharacteristically softly. “Don’t make a mess. These Vortian couches are  _ super  _ hard to clean.”

For a little while, all that could be heard was Red and Zim both slurping away on their slurpies, with Purple watching on in silence. He was refusing to say anything, just glaring at Zim every now and then. Zim, meanwhile, seemed absolutely enthralled by his slurpee, to the point he was ignoring everything else.

“ _ Don’t _ .” Red said, very quietly. Purple groaned, grabbing a bag of donuts instead. While he was stuffing his face, he’d have a harder time saying anything at all.

  
  


In fact, Purple did not speak until after Zim had excused himself to his own quarters, shuffling away with the drink still in hand. Red had wished him a good night, shooting Purple a glare, and he’d responded as soon as the door fell shut behind the smaller Irken.

“...what are you doing? He’ll get used to it.”

“I thought that was the plan.” Red replied, fishing for a bag of snacks behind the couch. “Make him think he is  _ loved _ , then crush him like the bug he is.” He ripped the bag open, grabbing a handful of chips to shove into his mouth.

“I don’t think it’s just that anymore.” Purple moved in, closing the distance between them left by Zim. “You… you’re getting attached, aren’t you.”

“NO!” Red immediately spluttered, an angry tint spreading on his cheeks. “He’s … just so small…” he muttered, softly, and Purple growled. Red held up a hand in defense. “It’s all part of the plan. If he-”

“He’s not me, though. What do you see in him?” Purple’s antennae were flattened against his head, eyes narrowed to purple slits. A few drones moved out of the way, careful not to cross him when he was getting worked up.

“ _ Nothing _ ! He’s just here for fun.” Red slowly shoved his lower lip forward, giving him a distinct pouting expression. “You’re… you’re nothing like him, I swear. Purple, come on.”

“I better not be.” Purple said, leaning closer to Red with a scowl. Their foreheads touched, claws slowly intertwining as they pushed into each other. “I’m… I’m so much better than him!” he said, with the air of a toddler that had been denied a toy. “S-so…!”

“Pur, you know I love you, alright.” Red squeezed his claws gently, antennae flicking softly. “You-” His eyelids fluttered shut slowly. Purple seemed to finally be calming down, and the drones around them slowly crept closer. Everything seemed to be finally cooling down again.

They were suddenly interrupted by the sound of small steps coming to a halt in front of them. Red pulled his gaze off his partner slowly, blinking in confusion at Zim, who’d stood himself at their feet.

“... _ My Tallests _ , Zim cannot sleep. I want a slurpee.” Zim declared. Red and Purple swapped confused looks, and a shrug.

“...uh… I guess, yes…” Having been torn right out of their fight in the middle of  _ things _ , they found themselves a bit… lost. Red whistled for a table to come over and serve them a drink, which he handed to a decidedly-befuddled looking Zim.

“Now go. We have important business to attend to.” He said, stiffly, waving a hand at him. “Go to your room, or whatever it is you do…”

ZIm clung to his drink, trying to fit the straw into his mouth once again, this time while walking. A bit of the slushee spilled onto the floor, and a drone quickly wiped it up after him. The door finally shut behind him, and Red and Purple shared a look of mutual confusion.

“...why is he like this.” Purple said, sharply. “He needs to learn his place, he can’t just come in here like…  _ like that _ !” He crossed his arms again, sinking into a petulant pout. “He’s… he’s so  _ small _ ...”

His claws curled into fists, slowly. “I want him to  _ hurt _ .”

His words hung in the room for a moment or two before Red said anything.

“...Pur, he’s not worth it.” He began, a barely noticeable shake to his voice. A few of the drones swapped fearful looks, taking a few steps backwards again, just for good measure. “It’s just a plan-”

“Then why don’t we just throw him out of the airlock right now? Why is this plan so important to you, Red? Why is it always what YOU want?” His voice rose with every word, until he was basically screaming, red hot rage seething right below his words. “You never ask me what  _ I _ want!”

“That’s not true.” Red hissed back, His antennae were flattened against his head, and if you looked closely, you could see fear slowly lining his expression. “You know I love you! You’re just being a big smeet about all this-”

“So what if I am?” Purple gave Red a harsh shove, which had him almost sliding off the couch. “I have every right to, after what you’re doing to me!”

“I’m not-”

For the second time this evening, they were interrupted in the middle of an argument. This time, however, it wasn’t Zim coming for a drink, or indeed anyone in the room at all. No, this intruder came from…  _ outside _ .

“Sirs, there’s a transmission coming in. They must have disabled the firewall, I-”

“We have a firewall?” Purple interjected confusedly, watching as the air in front of them wavered, as thought it was being heated up. “What is this. Someone explain to me right now!”

“Sir, I don’t know.” One of the pilots timidly muttered. Purple opened his mouth to bark at him when the air twisted into something else. The corners of his mouth twisted downward in a snarl.

  
“ _ You _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time writing for the Prof, I like to think I pulled it off. I also had to really think about the whole part with Red and Purple since Pur is pretty hard to write for when he's mad. He just simply doesn't get this way very often.
> 
> (Which isn't to say it wasn't FUN.)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib meets up with the Tallests for another heart-to-squeedilyspooch. It goes about as well as expected for either of the parties involved.

Dib was still in the basement, laptop connected to the holo transmitter his father had built one lazy afternoon. (He’d claimed it was a little too childish a project, and then proceeded to stash it in the basement. Dib wasn’t sure what to think about that.) He managed to shut off the firewall of the network, connecting to a suspiciously empty port, and activated the transmitter. It turned on with a loud hum, causing the lights to flicker overhead.

“Don’t tell me it’s drawing  _ that  _ much power…” Dib muttered, turning to his laptop to monitor the gauge. A little number flashed in the corner of the screen, and he frowned. 67%, the number read. If he could keep it below maybe 80, he’d be able to keep the entire house from shutting off.

_ In theory. _

Dib took off his headset, placing it next to the laptop, and slid open the door of the small cabin. It was mostly glass, allowing him to see the laptop on the desk, part of the door he’d come in from, and the flickering light on the ceiling. Well, it was now or never, he figured, closing the door and pulling the lever on the side of the cabin. A row of lights turned on, one after the other, and the light dimmed a bit. Dib winced.

_ Loading, please wait. _ Dib tapped his foot, nervously waiting for the machine to warm up. Three out of six lights. Four.

What was he even going to do if this worked? How long would the connection last?

_ Five _ .

Hopefully they’d not just… shut him out. Could they do that? The port he’d used was, in theory, completely open, with no signature or address needed. Why and how they would leave themselves open like that, he didn’t really know, nor did he care to figure it out.

_ Six _ .

But-

A bright flash almost blinded him, and he had to squeeze his eyes shut for a couple seconds. It didn’t hurt, luckily, but it did leave him feeling oddly… disconnected.

“YOU!”

The first thing he heard or saw was a tall alien screaming at him, and he stumbled back a few paces. There were a lot of aliens here, most of them maybe around his height, but two of them stuck out. He’d talked to those two before, he remembered.

“Aliens,” he began, trying to look more brave than his rapidly thrumming heart was making him feel. “I came here-”

“You again.” The second taller alien spoke up. That one was wearing red while the one that’d yelled at him was dressed in mostly purple. “What did you do? I thought we kicked you out.”

“Sir, they must have used a-”

“Shut up.” Red hissed at the alien, who immediately quieted down in a way that had Dib flinch. “I asked the disgusting human smeet.”

“Well, uh, I connected to your data system, so uh.” Dib was a little bit thrown off; he had not really expected having to explain to a bunch of highly technically advanced aliens how to hack into a communications system. “I’m like, not going to explain it to you, you know that, right?”

“Why not?”

Dib just stared at the two of them in silence for several minutes.

“...anyway, you didn’t answer my question.” Dib picked up the little speech he had mentally prepared himself for.  _ Just stay calm. _ “So I will be asking you again… what is your plan?”

Purple looked at Red, who shrugged. “Might as well tell him… so.” The alien steepled what Dib assumed was their approximation of fingers (or claws?), leaning forward a bit. From Dib’s point of view, he was looming a good few feet over him, even seated.

“Since you contacted us last time, you pathetic, inferior creature, we decided to turn around.” He explained, in a way that made it clear they thought Dib was either hard of hearing or just plain stupid. “We are going to head towards your home planet ‘Urth’ and blow it into a shmillion little pieces.”

Dib raised a brow. He would have been more concerned about the threat had he not witnessed ZIm unsuccessfully trying to take over the Earth for years now. What made these ones any different from him? Other than being suspiciously taller than him, anyway.

“...and?”

“What do you mean,  _ and _ ? We are going to eradicate your species!!!!” Purple barked. “At least pretend like you’re terrified!”

“...right.” Dib snorted. “Right, uh, you and what armada?”

The two aliens shared a grin. “Why, only the entire fleet of the Irken Armada, you .. you … insolent smeet!” The Red one pointed a claw at Dib’s holographic image.

“DRONES! Show him what we’re made of!” he screamed, and Dib turned around towards the large window, taking up the entire back wall of the room. A small planet, maybe the size of a large beach ball, was drifting by idly, minding its own tiny business.

“FIRE!”

A pink flash later, the entire planet was torn apart, chunks of it hitting the window and disappearing out of view. Dib winced at the sight, while the two aliens behind him both wore self-congratulatory smiles.

“You’ve been warned!” One of them raised his arms dramatically.

“...is it really a warning if you like, do it anyway?” Dib pointed out, one brow knit. “That’s… more of a threat, not a warning.”

“Stop being so ….. Mouthy!” The red one jabbed a claw at him. “We are the superior species here, we get to call the shots. So you can …. You can…  _ be quiet _ !” His bottom lip quivered a bit, and Dib noticed the way his antennae drooped a bit. “You won’t be so smug when we take over your planet and turn you all into TABLES!”

Dib gave him a quizzical glance, but before he could formulate any sort of response to this utter madness, something flickered in his peripheral vision.

_ Power critically low. Terminating connection in ten… _

“You won’t get away with it!” He cried over the sound of the alarm, slowly counting down from ten. “I’ll stop you! I’ll figure something out! I-”

_ Blip _ .

Dib found himself in his basement again, in complete, utter darkness. Somewhere above, he could hear screaming, in a voice he faintly recognized as Gaz’s. His head hurt, and he still felt a bit woozy from having his consciousness literally dragged across space.

“...did the power go out…” he mumbled, trying to find his way out of the glass case without breaking anything. It looked like he’d drawn way too much power, blowing out the power to the whole house. Great.

He found his way out of the basement by feeling around, grabbing the railing of the stairs leading upstairs to keep from fainting. This had not been the smartest way to go about things, he thought as he opened the door to the hallway.

It was pitch black here too, and he struggled to see much past the vague idea of furniture. Just as he figured he’d wait for the power to come back on, a bright light stung in his eyes. He squeezed them shut, tears suddenly stinging in his eyes. For just a moment, it felt like he was going blind, the feeling of nausea and illness leaving him feeling like he was about to throw up.

Opening one eye, he could see the form of something small behind the bright light, pointing a clawed finger at him.

  
“ _ Dib. I’m going to get you. _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is indeed a cliffhanger JUST to torture you~
> 
> That aside, thanks for all the comments and likes on this work, it really makes me keep going! Shoutout to Mes as well for beta-ing the last 2 chapters for me - Love you <3.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Plot twist: Dib ends up in the middle of his worst nightmare. Oops.
> 
> Also, RAPR. That's a thing now.

Dib woke up feeling still sick, but less like he was going to lose dinner. He was laying on something, facing the ceiling. Something hard, he realised, squirming a bit. The lights around him were on, though, and he could feel something sharp poke his side.

“Huh…  _ what… _ ”

“Oh, you’re awake.” A voice said to his left. He craned his neck to see who it was, only to realise he wasn’t wearing his glasses. They kept poking him, though, so he tried to squirm away.

“Hold still.” He found himself being held in place by something much bigger and blurrier to his other side. “You’ll hurt yourself.”

“Let me… go.” Whatever had found him when he stumbled from that basement, he didn’t want to be here, getting poked and prodded like some kind of test subject. “Whoever you are…”

Quite suddenly, he felt something press against his face, cold rubber brushing over his cheek. His eyes squeezed shut, but when he didn’t feel his organs getting sucked out through his toes, he opened one.

Huh. He could see again. He reached a hand up, feeling for anything weird or alien on his face. Nothing. Instead he realised someone had given him back his glasses. He turned his head to the left, where Gaz was sitting on the edge of a metal operating table, tapping away on her Game Slave. His father was standing on his other side, wearing a worried frown and a pair of pajamas with a huge collar, hiding most of his expression behind sky blue sheep print.

“... we thought you wouldn’t wake up, son.” He said, sternly. “Holographic transmission is no kids’ toy. I thought I warned you?”

Dib rubbed his head. He still felt like death, and knew he’d have to deal with a massive headache later. “... Dad, I’m sorry.. Where am I?” He sat up, slowly, glancing around the room. Nothing here seemed immediately familiar to him, but then again, he had also just been unconscious for… a while. Probably.

“The lab.” Gaz said, eyes still glued to her screen. “Dad dragged you here after I found you knocked out in the hallway. Whatever you did down there, the whole house lost power, and we had to use the emergency batteries.”

“What about Zim?” Dib screeched, immediately regretting it as he felt a sharp pang of pain run through his skull. “Ugh…”

“Your little friend?” Professor Membrane asked with a quirked brow. “Oh, he hasn’t been around in a while, actually…”

“But the-”

“That was  _ me _ , genius.” Gaz snapped. “You pulled the plug right as I was finishing up the final level of the bonus world of my video game, so I decided to go look for whatever you managed to knock over. I thought it was just the fuse blowing again, but nooo…. You had to ruin everything.

Then when I  _ did  _ get you, you looked at me once and passed out.” She pointed at a flashlight on a nearby table, one of the really strong ones they used at construction sites.

“Glad to see you are both well, children.” The professor declared, clearing his throat. “Now, you two go up to your rooms, I’ll be connecting the house to the emergency power systems.”

Dib slid off the table, swaying a bit. “But Gaz, Zim-”

“Not this again! He’s not even here, and you’re still going on about him?” She grabbed him by the back of his jacket, yanking him along.

“There is nothing out there trying to invade Earth. Get it through your thick skull already.”

  
  


\---

“How is the progress going?”

“We are about a thousand lightyears away from Urth, Sir.”

“Good! I can’t wait to invade that hunk of dirt and …. Then blow it up. I want to see that smeet’s face when we eradicate his vastly inferior species once and for all!” Tallest Red gave a short, barking laugh, which was met with unsure, anxious giggling from the crowd of Irkens around him.

Purple raised a brow, digging into a bag of snacks.He’d been quietly eating donuts for a while now, narrowed eyes watching as Red yelled orders over the crowds of drones. At least this weird little human with the big head was distracting him from doting on Zim so much, he thought, licking a bit of glaze off his claws. That way, he’ hopefully forget about this stupid plan already and throw Zim out of the airlock.

Or, even better, directly into a sun. He spat a few crumbs on the floor, muttering to himself. “He’d probably find a way right back if we shot him out the airlock.”

A drone came by, scooping up the crumbs he’d left in a dustpan. Purple gave them a nasty grin, kicking them in the side hard. “Hey, you missed a spot.” He pointed out, jabbing a claw at the floor once the drone had spilled the contents of their dustpan all over the floor. “Get that cleaned up.”

Pent-up rage bubbled just beneath his skin, and he took a bite out of the donut in his hands, imagining it to be Zim. Why did they have to drag this out as long as they did, anyway?

Was Red lying to him? Purple stuffed the rest of the donuts into his mouth, chewing with his mouth wide open. He had better not; Purple was not too fond of sharing his things with others. Especially not tiny little would-be invaders like that wretched ZIM.

His claws curled a bit. The drone at his feet was still sweeping up his mess, tears pricking in their eyes. Purple glanced down at them for a moment, considering kicking them again. But as nice as that would feel, it wouldn’t really solve anything, now would it? Instead, he swept over to Red, placing a hand on his shoulder to pull him closer.

“Hey.” He said, softly, leaning in for a brief kiss on the others’ cheek. Normally, he’d reserve this sort of thing to their private quarters, but desperate times really did call for desperate measures.

Red turned a bright shade of blue, immediately jerking his head around. “...hey.” He said, sounding both surprised and put off. “Pur, I’m  _ busy _ .”

“You  _ always  _ are.” Purple replied dryly, claws tightening on his shoulder a bit. “Ever since Zim came back.”

“I told you, this is important.” Red replied, somewhere between sounding fearful and annoyed. “Someone has to make sure things go over smoothly. This isn’t just  _ any  _ mission.”

Purple scoffed, turning around sharply. Fine then, he’d leave Red to doing what he did best- yelling five different instructions at everyone in the span of maybe two minutes. Purple would wait.

He’d waited a long time already. Starting from the both of them just being smeets, he’d waited for something. Becoming an elite, training tirelessly day and night, to the day  _ she  _ finally kicked the bucket. It had all been  _ waiting _ , waiting for things to move along, to be promoted through the ranks.

Purple was patient when he had to be, quite the opposite to Red’s hot temper that flared up all too easily. Red had always been the more hot-headed of the two, even as trainees back on Devastis, where Purple had often been the mediator between him and whoever had ignited his rage that particular day.

Purple’s anger though was cold, bubbling under the surface for far longer, the resulting eruption that much more terrifying. So he would wait, watching Red burn out on his silly little passion. When he’d finally grown tired of entertaining that filthy traitor, Purple would get his reward.

  
He was  _ quite  _ patient, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for... straight up dying.
> 
> I got busy, and my beta readers got busy, and then I decided tonight would be the night that I say fuck it and just post the chapters I already have with no beta-ing. I DO have the whole story planned out already, so I want to, ya know, actually finish it.
> 
> I swear.


End file.
